At dictionary.com, an introvert is defined as “a shy person” or [in psychology] “a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings”. While, an extrovert is defined as “an outgoing, gregarious person” or [again, in psychology] “a person characterized by extroversion; a person concerned primarily with the physical and social environment”. Now, while these are the accepted definitions we have all used for many years, is that all there is?

I happened across a personality test from a dear friend many years ago, the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. Now, what I put here is not an attempt to pigeon hole myself and force myself to adhere to a certain set of thoughts, because it “says” I am a certain way, but to seek a definition of tendencies of my nature. One day I may be totally extroverted and the next totally introverted and the next, both. It’s this way with people; there is no true “black and white”. All us human type peoples are a mix, somewhere in between. Okay, I have derailed myself already.

Back to the Myers-Briggs PTI. Myers-Briggs has defined an extrovert as “energized by the outer world of people and things” and introverts as “energized by the inner world of thoughts and ideas”. There are more definitions, depending on who you are listening too and their own particular interpretations, but the basics are: extroverts become energized by interaction with others, while introvert get their energy by being left alone and working out problems by themselves. To each, the opposite tends to suck the energy right out of them.

Now I would like to say that I am the same person that I was twenty years ago, but we all change, that is the nature of things. When I first encountered this personality type test, I was more of an extrovert that I thought I would have been. Since there are no real absolutes, let’s just say that I was about a third of the way into the extroverted range of things. And now twenty years later I took the test again and I was thrown down into the introverted range of things. Is this bad? Absolutely not! It just caught me by surprise. We were taking the test as a matter of course at work and I remember, as the facilitator broke us up into groups, that I felt out of place with the group of people typed as introverts. I was actually looking over at the group of extroverts and feeling alone. Wow, that was a shocking revelation for me. Almost an epiphany, if you will.

You see, over the years I have, in fact, become more introverted. It has a lot to do with my lost of trust in my dealing with people around me. [not sure of I want to post this, but what the hell, I am talking about me and there is no one here to start talking about themselves, but that is another psychoses] There have been instances where my trust was ill placed in some people and I wound up being hurt. Sad, I know, but this is the way of life, is it not? That is how we learn. “Hey, this pot is hot, I shouldn’t pick it up like that, that hurt like hell!”

I think the biggest adjustment is learning that even though I seek time alone, I still need to get out and hang with others. Lately, I have noticed that I tend to hide behind my computer and skip out on the people meeting and such. In fact, that happened this past Saturday! A group of people were getting together to celebrate a late Halloween, and I had responded I would be there. In fact I had spoken to one of the group on Thursday and confirmed I would be there! Alas, my own psychoses caught up with me and I talked myself out of going. I mean, drive all that way? What am I thinking? Of course it is not like I am driving to Florida to attend and these folks have pretty much figured out that I wimp out on a regular basis anyway. Sadly, I really do not think I know how to connect with them anymore.

Years before, this group and I would get together and hang, but then this was 15 years ago, too, before the ‘shift’. I guess part of it is that of the group, three of them, at least, have been friends since high school and my high school is nearly a decade before theirs and two states away, to boot. Am I jealous of their close friendship maintained over the years? Hell yes! But then we have drifted, they and I. I am not into the activities they are and while I have changed, so have they. I do dearly wish I could just sit back and enjoy relaxation the way they do, to just hang with people. heh Maybe that is part and parcel of my problem? Anyway, back to the introverted extrovert.

Am I still that extroverted person? Just driving myself down, being too harsh on myself? Quite possibly. That is part of the rub, how do you relax and just enjoy the things that come to us in life? As an extrovert, I recognize that I am at my best when I am working with people, even just chatting about current events or making jokes about crudisms in life or just twisting a phrase.

Now, part of what I have noticed about myself is that I have a tendency to change how I act, to be the person I think ‘they’ need me to be. Whoa, now that is a deep concept to put forth. It is a very subtle thing, too. Sometimes I do not even know I am doing it until I realize I really do not want to be somewhere and that I am there because I am in support of someone. Does this mean I will stop this course of action? Not at all. I love helping people, I truly do. Sometimes that is when I am at my best. Although, perhaps my latest ‘shyness’ or shift towards introversion is a self defense mechanism. If I do not hang around others, then I can be assured that I will be my ‘true’ self, right? With my recent [well the last 10 years or so] connections with women, I have lost a lot of trust in myself. More to the point, I have lost trust in my ability to see the truth behind situations and my own true feelings. It has caused me to over react and make a damn fool out of myself. Jealousy and fore long hope for a relationship that will never be is a damn shameful thing to adhere to. But hey, I am working on that.

However, the one thing I have noticed is that the more I am by myself, the deeper I climb into that pit that is depression. I am still looking for that balance of time alone and time with people. Well, I am going to pull the reins here and see where this puts me. More in the future, as long as that future is not a year long wait for the Tygger to place his tracks in here.

Back to my place, where “the introverts look at their shoes, and the extroverts look at your shoes.” To borrow a phrase from comedian Tim Bedore.

Be safe, folks.

By DANIEL GOLEMAN
Published: March 12, 1985 in The New York Times

EVERYONE wants to make a good impression, but for some people it is almost a way of life. Such social chameleons, who in every situation strive to make the best impression they can, do so at a psychological cost, new research suggests.

Those who always try ”to be the right person in the right place at the right time,” according to Mark Snyder, a social psychologist at the University of Minnesota, become extraordinarily attuned to the ways others react to them. They continually monitor their social performance, skillfully adjusting it when they detect that they are not having the desired effect.

He cites as the psychological credo of such people a remark by W. H. Auden, who said that his private image of himself ”is very different from the image which I try to create in the minds of others in order that they may love me.”

The degree to which a person subscribes to this credo, research suggests, seems to have a profound influence not only on his social successes and skills, but also on the quality of his intimate relationships. For example, those who are most adept at making a good impression, paradoxically, tend to have less stable and satisfying intimate relationships, suffering in both the quality of their friendships and the stability of their romantic ties.

On the other hand, those who tend toward the other extreme, those who do not bend at all to fit in, have problems of their own, the research suggests. While their sense of self is far stronger than the person skilled at making impressions, they can suffer from the social costs of their rigidity.

SCALE MEASURES TRAITS

”Many people have different orientations in various parts of their lives,” Dr. Snyder said in an interview. ”For example, at work someone may go all out to impress people, while at home or with friends he is more himself.” About 60 percent of people tend to be less devoted to impression management, as measured by a scale Dr. Snyder has developed, while the other 40 percent are more concerned about making an impression. Most people, he says, tend toward the middle range, their style depending on the social context of a particular situation. People on the extremes, he said, are those who adopt one or another orientation in all situations.

The social chameleons ”thrive on inconsistency,” according to William Graziano, a psychologist at the University of Michigan. ”They don’t mind in the least saying one thing and doing another. But those at the other pole can’t stand such a discrepancy.”

Dr. Snyder, who has done the major research on the issue, said: ”One of the great themes of literature is the relationship between how people present themselves on the surface and what lurks beneath. As a psychologist, I became interested in the question of where personality resides: Is it in the persona – the public face – or the private reality? As I started to do research on the question, I came to see that for some people, the public and private person meshes well, while for others there seem to be only a kaleidoscope of changing appearances.”

IDENTIFYING SOCIAL CHAMELEONS

Social chameleons, for whom Dr. Snyder uses the rather infelicitous term, ”high self-monitors,” display these key traits:
- They pay careful attention to social cues, scrutinizing others with keenness so as to know what is expected of them before making a response.
- In order to get along and to be liked, they try to be as others expect them to be. For example, they try to make people they dislike think they are friendly with them.
- They use their social abilities to mold their appearance as disparate situations demand, so that, as some put it, ”With different people I act like a very different person.”

Those low on the self-monitor scale, would be unlikely to espouse ideas they do not believe, while those high in self-monitoring would do so if it were expedient.

Certain professions, by their very nature, seem to draw people who are adept at impression management. ”Professional actors, as well as many of the more mercurial trial lawyers, are among the best at it,” Dr. Snyder said. ”So too are many successful salespeople, diplomats and politicians.”

Such people can swing with ease from bubbly sociability to reserved withdrawal, or even from conformity to noncomformity, as the situtaion demands, Dr. Snyder said. And while these same abilities make them skilled at lying, they are just as likely to apply them in smoothing social interactions.

By contrast, those low in self-monitoring subscribe to the credo, ”To thine own self be true.” They feel it is more important to act in accord with one’s values, no matter the social consequences.

Although one might expect social chameleons to get along well with just about anyone, they seem to have trouble when they are in the company of those who are at the opposite extreme. In one study, William Ickes, a psychologist at the University of Texas, paired people who scored very high and very low on the scale that measures self-monitoring. When two people who both scored high or both scored low were paired, they got along quite well. But not mixed pairs.

JOHN WAYNES AND ZELIGS

”The conversations just petered out,” Dr. Ickes said. ”The lows are like John Wayne, fairly taciturn and just the same no matter where they are. The highs are like Woody Allen’s Zelig, madly trying to fit in with whomever they are with. But the lows don’t give the highs enough cues to know how they should try to be.”

The differences between the types are perhaps most striking in their personal relationships. The social chameleons, for example, are much less willing to commit themselves to a romantic relationship, are more willing to end one romance to start another and are slow to become emotional intimates of those they date. On the other hand, those low in the trait are more loyal lovers, being far more willing to become committed, slower to shift to a new partner and ready to share the growth of intimacy with their partner.

The fantasy life of each type reflects the same tendencies. Social chameleons, compared with their opposites, more frequently fantasize about having sexual relations with someone other than their steady partner, even having those fantasies while engaging in sex with their partner.

In sum, Dr. Snyder writes, ”Thus, we might expect low self-monitoring individuals to display greater commitment to, and stronger attachment to, their marital partners.”

Likewise, the two types differ greatly in the nature of their friendships. The low self-monitoring type, as might be expected, tends to be extremely invested, both in time and emotion, in a few close friends. Social chameleons, on the other hand, prefer to have a wide range of friends and to have different friends for different activities. Moreover, they ”set up barriers, so it’s hard for their friends to get to know them well,” Dr. Snyder said.

The social chameleons, according to Dr. Graziano, have a heterogeneous social world. ”They play tennis with one person and go antiquing with another,” he said. ”They also tend to pick friends who are highly skilled in that area: their tennis partner will be first-rate, their antiquing partner an expert. But those low in self-monitoring play tennis with the same person with whom they go antiquing.”

Perhaps understandably, social chameleons have been found by Dr. Snyder to be more responsive to advertising that appeals to one’s image, while those low in the trait respond more readily to claims of a product’s quality.

TRAITS SEEN IN CHILDHOOD

The tendency for people to be one or the other type has been found in children as young as 7 years old.

One of the key signs of self-monitoring is the tendency to try to find out what others think about something before making one’s own response. In a study done by Christopher Leone at the University of Minnesota, third- graders were asked their opinions on a wide range of topics, such as whether ”E. T.” or ”Star Wars” was the better movie.

Before answering they were given the chance to see how other children had responded to the same questions. Some children, presumably those who will grow up to be social chameleons, pored over the data before they would give their own answers.

As far back as 1934 Helene Deutsch, a psychoanalyst, described what she called the ”as-if” personality, a person who shifted roles in life like an actor. The ”as-if” type, she wrote, had a ”highly plastic readiness to pick up signals from the outer world” and mold himself accordingly. Dr. Deutsch saw such people as suffering from a fragile sense of themselves, constantly seeking to shore themselves up by winning the approval of others at all costs.

”The more current view is less pejorative,” according to Frank Lachmann, a psychoanalyst at the Postgraduate Center for Mental Health. ”The as-if personality is the extreme of a necessary human quality, the ability to have empathy, to put oneself in another’s shoes.”

While Dr. Snyder’s research does not focus on people who are at either extreme of the pattern he describes, he does acknowledge that both tendencies, when exaggerated, can indicate psychopathology. The consensus among those who have done research on the topic seems to be that people are better off not being extreme in either direction.

”Those who are at the extreme in self-monitoring are sociopaths, con artists who will say and do whatever gets them what they want at the moment,” Dr. Snyder said. ”On the other hand those who are extremely low in self-monitoring are, like obsessives, utterly stubborn in their adherence to the sense of being right no matter what. If a situation doesn’t mesh with that sense, they are totally unwilling to change to fit in. They act as they feel they should, no matter what others make of it.”

Dr. Snyder does not believe that being a social chameleon or one of their opposites need make one more susceptible to psychological problems. Nevertheless he believes it can lead to specific types of vulnerability. When those high in self-monitoring get depressed, he has found, it is more likely to have been triggered by failing at a social performance, such as trying out for a team or play and not making it. Those low in the trait, however, become depressed when they feel they have violated their deepest values, such as being found a hypocrite.

Still, in Dr. Graziano’s view, most social chameleons are not pathological. Recent research, he said, has shown that, by and large, they are not Machiavellian manipulators, nor are they desparately insecure, seeking the approval of others at all costs. On the contrary, ”It seems to be a social skill,” Dr. Graziano said.

What can perhaps be most useful for everyone about the new research is the simple awareness that the two types exist. A person can realize that he is overly concerned about the impression he makes to the extent that he may virtually cease to exist as a person of substance. Or, conversely, he can find himself so ungiving as to fail to connect with the outside world. Most people can benefit, some researchers believe, by being aware of their tendencies to follow one of these two patterns and in avoiding the extremes.

Is this thing still on? Seems like forever since I wrote here last. Maybe I am shy about voicing my concerns and/or complaints in a public forum. Or maybe… Well, needless to say, no matter what the reasoning, it has been many moons since I wrote on this thing. I should see if I have something to write or even just write trite comments from time to time, eh?

What, Constellation dead? In case you are wondering what I am talking about, I am talking about NASA’s return to the moon space flight program, Constallation http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/constellation/main/. It is slated for cancelation in President Obama’s proposed 2011 budget. But really, why should be sare?

Should we care about prosthetic limbs that have drastically improved peoples lives after they have lost a leg or arm due to injury or birth defect? Should we care about modern computer systems that allow us to search for anything of interest, or read this blog? The internet and World Wide Web has allowed us to connect with each other in a fashion we had not dream of even twenty years ago. Should I care that

I looked up NASA technology spin offs and found there site dedicated to maintaining a database of just that http://www.sti.nasa.gov/tto/Spinoff2008/index.html. This is an excert from there 2008 Spinoff document:

“While NASA does not manufacture, market or sell commercial products, many commercial products are derived from NASA technology. Many NASA-originated technologies are adapted by private industry for use by consumers like you.”

Are we ready to see the death of the dream spoken of by President Kennedy? President Obama had used ideals to promote a return to space on his campaign trail, but a lot of people feel betrayed that he has signaled for the end of the in progress project, Constellation. A lot of people thought his words on the campaign trail were his promise to follow through with President Bush’s statement to return to the moon by 2020. Is this a sign of the end for our space program? Will we now fall behind in the space race? A lot of Americans are concerned that without a space program we will be celebrating a Russian or European Space Agency conquest of space. Of course I find this curiously ironic as most of America is full of European decedents, but that is another rant.

I mentioned the end of the Constellation to another friend of mine who is a strong proponent to a return to space. In fact he has been active in many project over the years, form the Millennial Project by Marshall Savage, to its current child, the Living Universe Foundation. Well, okay Mr. Doe has credentials and I trust his judgment, but guess what he said? No, go ahead and guess, I’ll wait.

Insert dramatic pause here

Oh, okay, I  will tell you… He words, “Ares-1/V and Constellation (the current bloated and underperforming piece of crap it is) needs to die.” Whoa. Hold on, as stunning as his words were, I can see a truth behind them. Is he right? Is the project bloated and under performing? There is always that possibility. That is the danger of running a government agency with all the bureaucracy that that implies. After all what is an elephant, but a mouse built to committee specifications.

As you can see my view has undergone a change over the course of the last two days since I heard that the project was having its life’s blood cut off. What is the truth of the matter? There are always more than one side to any discussion.

I had a dream last night. I dreamed of a large house. The house is something you would have seen built in the early 1900′s, large high ceilings and many rambling rooms. It’s a mansion really, and I live there. It has seen better days. In my mind it is old, the siding on the exterior is grayed with time, the interior has older, worn and faded wall paper and everything about it is held upright with hopes and dreams. There are times when I see a huge living room in back, with its ceiling that extends for several floors and other times when I walk though the halls just peeking into the many rooms and wonder what is in there.

Last night’s dream was different. As I walked I realized I needed to demolish the building and start over, brand new. Yes, I would tear it all down and build something new, maybe even better suited for my current life.

There were several people in attendance, looking on. I knew everyone of them and at a time identified several people I knew among them. They all looked on with no particular expression on their faces, just an overall support, though from a distance. They represented the ‘safe’ distance from the demolition that was to come.

After the demolition was planned and I started looking back, I set eyes on a shelf with some books on it that I wanted to keep, so I dragged them out and away from the demolition site. Next I spied a few of my Bocci balls lying about; I bowled them over to the ‘safe’ area. After I looked back into what appeared to be the garage, full of things that I would need, I realized that I did not want to demolish my old house after all; I would start with sorting through things and rebuilding, after all. I had the impression that I had demolished this house before and started brand new several times in the past, but this time I had too many things that I would loose.

Yes, I would not demolish this house, I set my mind in motion and walked around into the kitchen, that I knew so well, and opened the windows only to feel a strong breeze blow through, helping to route out the stale air and bring in the fresh. As I walked past the kitchen I noticed someone in there, a woman. She was smiling a knowing smile as I asked her how she was doing. She replied that she was content and went back to what she was doing at the table.

Now, I know there was some who will be alarmed at the revelation, but I do want everyone to understand that I am fine; these were signs and portents, not a reflection of any unhealthy desires. That being said, I have accepted over the years that this house represents my own self view. The demolition is not a form of ‘self harm’, but a desire on my part to rebuild myself into a different person. I have done this several times in the past, as I have moved from group of friends to another or moved from one stage of my life to another, such as moving from the Air Force back into civilian life. Remember that, though there was a demolition, there was a new house in the plans to be built. However, this demolition was finally passed over as I gathered up the tools and threw them away. In this house I will stay and I will sort through all my crap and rebuild. Well, I guess most people need to do that anyway, eh?

There has been a recent move in my life to find old friend, long time passed into the mists of time, and reacquaint myself with them. I know that there is shock and astonish out there when I say that the internet has been the tool that I have used with great success, but it’s true! It’s really true! Okay, I was getting carried away, but let me get back to my diatribe, here.

Yes, the house is a huge thing, at times it reminding me of the Addams Family home. Sometimes there is a store front on the first floor, where I know there was a thriving store, but that store has been closed for many years. Those of you from the past will know which store I most likely mean, even if, in my mind at least, the store bears no resemblance to that place. Perhaps that store will open again. I will see what more I can glean from the images in my mind, but I wanted to jot this snippet down and post, that seemed to be my driving thought as I woke this morning. No alarm, just a sudden shift from sleep to wake.

Have you ever reconnected with a friend from years gone by? So, think about that and then ponder what has happened in your life since you spoke to that person last. Whoa. . . I caught myself thinking about that same subject recently as I reconnected with a friend from my first attempt at college, back in 1982, or so. I believe the last time I spoke to her I was living in Gainesville, GA, and that was 1985(?).

Okay, so that was 24 years ago. Or had I joined the Air Force? I remember talking to her and she was intending on joining the Air Force herself, so maybe it was 22 or 23 years ago. However, that is not the point, the point here is, what has happened in my life in the last 22 years? Again, whoa . . . I joined the Air Force active duty, right out of being in the Marine Corps Reserve. I spent 9 years in the Air Force and moved to Oklahoma. I have been around the world (not as many places as some, but then my job was focused on a single Air Force base, mainly), never stationed there, mind you, just visited.

Heck, even after the Air Force, I have worked several jobs from telephone installer, to computer repair dude and even back into retail for several years working at an office supply chain. Been back to school and now have a job that has me travelling all over the country installing software.

We usually focus on the job at hand, and keep our ‘noses to the grind-stone’, as the saying goes. Maybe it is the last vestiges of a mid-life crisis, but at nearly half a century of years, when you look back it is like climbing a shear face cliff and looking back down from the top to realize just how far you have come, in what seems to be an incredible short amount of time. Of course at the time it seemed like the longest day of your life, but such is life, eh?

Oh well, back to pondering, Pinky.

I had a sudden realization recently, almost an epiphany, in fact. I react differently in the company of people than I do when I am alone. Now this is not such a revelation in that fact, but it is in how I react that stunned me.

You see, when I am alone (we’ill start there) I stop and look around more. I read signs; I appreciate the sites around me. I see more of what is there. I take my time and am more laid back about things. To be honest, none of us really does any of that enough, but this observance is in stark contrast to when I am in the company of others.

I noticed this when I was teaming with others on a new online game. It is a new game and I needed to stop and read things more to learn what was going on and learn the game. However when I teamed up, I was rushing around everywhere, not really seeing the content for what it was, I was trying to get my level up and keep up with “the Joneses”, as it were. I did not have to, in fact had I simply stated that I was taking in the sights, I am sure they would have taken the time with me, instead, I was rushing around and I could feel my tension growing and I was getting more and more frustrated. Gees..

You see, I have this problem; I suffer from the mental delusion that I must serve those around me. It is not demeaning, it is who I am and I do enjoy my time spent in this endeavor, but I am learning that I don’t have to do this “all the time”. In fact most people do not expect it, if they do then that qualifies as “unrealistic expectations” and that is their problem, not mine.

Now I have to admit that most of us enjoy (at least I think ‘most’ of us, eh?) being waited on. I enjoy when someone offers me a ride (at least now that I have a stable ride of my own, but that is another issue), or offers too cook dinner for me. It is just a nice thing to do. Now when that is taken for granted. Say I start expecting them to cook a meal for me every Saturday. Well, that is when it turns ugly and wrong.

Whelp, these are the things I am still learning as I continue to grow up into an adult. I guess now is a good time, eh? After all Peter Pan can’t be your hero all your life, right?